SmAHM 1

Only writing this because this weekend I wanted to say “WTF” and other such explitives to someone and could not manage it what with our children running around our knees.

There is a choice after childbirth. To return to work or not. And everybody is free to make the choice that suits their situation best. Whether the motivations are monetary or not, each family weighs the pros and cons before taking a decision that works for them. I have absolute respect for mothers who choose to stay and home and rear their child or children, involved in every way every day. But equally I respect that some mothers go back to work, vital to their well being and view of the world. There is no right or wrong unless it adversely affects the child or your relationships and even then a change of balance or priorities can always even/ smooth things out.

What I absolutely HATE (yes, every letter in that is a Capital with a capital C) are Smug At Home Mothers. These are SAHMs with an attitude problem – a world apart from those who choose to make their choice and live with it while accepting that others may have different choices. So I am calling them SmAHM’s for the purpose of this diatribe.

I work. And I make no bones about it. I like working and I feel that it makes me a better mother. I don’t think there was ever a moment when I doubted that this was the best option for me and for duckling. Duckling thrives at nursery, making friends, playing with more toys than a toy store, eating a varied menu, going on mini excursions and has the attention of friends and carers besides an array of activities I could even fathom let alone provide.

So it is my choice that I go to work. I and Boy and Duckling, this is our life. It works for us. We have a routine and yes it involves some tears but overall everyone is happier and better for it.

So I totally resent you, YOU SmAHM, with your digs at my child-rearing skills, my failure to breasfeed for more than 6 months, my duckling’s going to nursery and my choice to go to work. I wanted to slap you and walk away from being your friend – which is a crying shame because we used to be friends proper and true before our children appeared. But obviously we are now divided on the how what and where of child rearing. And while I totally get your choices you clearly did not for a moment think that saying the things you did was inapropriate or pushy.

Everyone’s choice is valid. Leave it at that. Embrace it. And for heaven’s sake don’t trip over into ‘advice’ giving where it is not wanted. Basically Shut the f**k up.

August 23, 2010. Uncategorized.